this isn't about graduation

taxes are due on april 15

resolutions begin on january 1

presents are opened on december 25

candy is passed out on october 31

everything’s green on march 17

fireworks and freedom on july 4

love on february 14

caps and gowns and diplomas on may 28.

it’s marked on my calendar just like any normal holiday

as if it’s something to celebrate

but this isn’t about graduation.

we’ve been here for three years 

but have any of us ever stopped to read the quotes on the walls?

hallways that sound like headaches

and classrooms too crowded to be anything short of lonely

but this isn’t about high school.

my mom still does my laundry,

and i couldn’t tell you the first thing about cooking

or ironing

but this isn’t about graduation or anything that might come after.

i remember when the only people who laid down on train tracks were cartoons

and the word “suicide” didn’t make me cringe.

i remember when summer meant sidewalk chalk and sprinklers under trampolines

and the word “college” didn’t make my hands sweat.

i remember when the future was still twelve grades away 

and the word “senior” was irrelevant.

but this isn’t about kindergarten.

and it’s not about graduation.

this is about may 28 and the 81 days standing between here and there

this is about the 81 days.

this is about 81 days and the fact that my ears can’t hear anything past the 2:15 bell

and my nose can only smell bittersweet.

this is about 81 days and i never thought i’d be the one chanting ‘senior year’ at the last black light dance.

but here i am

and here we are.

81 days.